Irish Blogger Gathering: Orange Alert Edition

This week's IBG is brought to you by the fine folks over at TGIAB. Stop by and give them a read when you have chance.

1. If you had the choice, which professional athlete would you rather be: A golfer on the PGA tour that hovers around 125-150 on the money list, a solid middle reliever in the MLB, a #4 starter on an MLB team, a 10th man on an NBA roster, or a punter in the NFL?

No question about it - 10th man on an NBA roster. First off, you don't have to play a lot, so there's not much pressure. Really, the most important thing for a 10th man during a game is to not be caught picking your nose or scratching your crotch when the TNT cameras pan by the bench. Second, the NBA league minimum this season is around $440K so, in essence, you'd have the pleasure of hitting a new tax bracket without breaking a sweat (unless you count that night with the triplets in Milwaukee). Lastly, Marko Jaric. Don't know who Marko Jaric is, do you? Not to worry, not many people do. He's a relatively obscure role player on the Memphis Grizzlies who has never once averaged so much as 10 ppg in his six-year NBA career. Why, then, would I pick Jaric? Easy - Marko managed to get himself engaged to Victoria Secret model and world-class hottie, Adriana Lima. I have no idea how he did it, but if this is what life on an NBA bench is all about, sign me up.

The boards aren't the only thing I'm banging, if you know what I mean...huh, huh?

2. If the made a movie about Notre Dame football from 1997-2008, what actors would you cast as Bob Davie, Tyrone Willingham, George O'Leary and Charlie Weis? Picture comparisons will be helpful.

While I loved the question, I admit two things - 1) I kind of suck at the "separated at birth" thing and 2) I took some liberties with my choices. BTW, if this movie were to be made, it would probably rival German porn for the most objectionable cinema ever created. Anyway, here are my choices:

• Bob Davie (Billy Bob Thornton): Yeah, I know, they don't look A TON alike but, I'm pretty sure old Billy Bob could pull off the "Aw, shucks" dopeyness of Davie and pronounce "footbaw" with the same irritatating twang.

Having already played Slingblade, this might seem a bit like typecasting...

• Tyrone Willingham (Tim Meadows): Since Willingham was essentially a walking SNL character anyway, I think it would be appropriate for "Ladies Man" Tim Meadows to take a crack at "Ty Willingham: Molder of Men, Loser of Games." As an added bonus, Meadows might be the only person whose career since 2000 has been more disappointing than Willingham's.

Bigger bomb - The Ladies Man movie or 2003 Notre Dame season?

• Peter Graves (George O'Leary): This selection is based entirely on hair.

For years, George O'Leary erroneously claimed to have originated this hairstyle.

• Art Donovan (Charlie Weis): Let's forget for a second that NFL Hall-of-Famer, Art Donovan is 31 years older than Weis and, you know, not an actor. The beefy (let's face it, fat) physique, the gruff demeanor, the crew cut...this guy IS Charlie Weis!

They don't look EXACTLY alike...Charlie's a D-cup, Donovan, more of a full C

3. We at tgiab.com (see Joe G) love the drink Sparks , which comes in Orange cans. While I can't truly relate that to any type of question, I figured I'd mention that because we are playing the Orange this weekend. I guess if I had to tie it in, I would say that I associate Sparks with football tailgates (and my subsequent lack of recollection of the game). Do you have a favorite product that comes in the color Orange? And, if so, do you relate it to football in any way shape or form?

When I really thought about it, I could only think of one orange thing, remotely associated with football, that I truly loved - Hooters shorts. There is really nothing better than drinking some beers, eating some wings (also, kind of orange) and awkwardly eye-banging the elementary ed. major working your section. In spite of having all the unseemly discomfort of strip clubs with none of the unclothed payoff; Hooters rates high on the list of places to watch a game and the shorts are a huge reason why.

She's working double shifts to pay for her last three credits, you're just hoping for some camel toe. Ah, the human drama that is Hooters...

4. This last weekend, one of the more die-hard Notre Dame fans I know told me that he has twice rooted against Notre Dame. Is there any scenario where you would root against Notre Dame? Or should we make this friend (and guest columnist) be the next Ice-T in Surviving the Game?

No. Your friend is an apostate and should be banned from Irish fandom. Would it be cool to root against America twice? Would it be ok to hope the terrorists pull off a couple 'W's here and again? Absolutely not! Being a fan is like being a gangmember - you live and die by your colors and the only way out is feet first.

Yes, banned, monkey! BANNED!!!

5. tgiab.com will host (in allegiance with jupmode.com and thesubwayalumnishow.com) a tailgate for the USC game. First off, you are all cordially invited. Secondly, and more importantly, we are looking for necessities to have at a tailgate. The following is what we will have:

• Kegs and cases of beer
• Liquor
• Mixers (including bloody mary mix)
• Grill
• Meat
• Watermelons
• Condiments
• A banner
• A beer pong table
• The Greatest Playlist of All Time

What else do we need? What else would you bring? How can we make this tailgate any better?

19th Century New York street gang. For one thing, they'd be bring you street cred and authenticity as they are, in so many ways, the original Fighting Irish. Beyond that, though, there would be practical benefits. Tell me if you have ever had this situation play out at a tailgate. You show up a few hours before the game, find a prime piece of real estate, set up your gear and start enjoying the day. You're grilling, drinking beers, maybe throwing a ball around and then, suddenly, one row over, fans of your team's rival pull in. It immediately gets a little uncomfortable for everyone but, you play it cool and decide to see what happens. About an hour later, they've had enough booze to start chanting for their team or yelling "(your team) sucks!" You're pissed. You want to retaliate violently, but you don't want to spend the day in jail and, more importantly, miss the game. What do you do? You unleash a ragged gang of cleaver and bottle-wielding psychos from the Five Points to sack their tailgate like it was Rome, that's what! Clearly, this has appeal beyond tailgating - the driver that takes your spot at the mall, the guy at work that keeps coming over to ask you questions, the drunk couple at the table next to you when you're out to dinner - there would literally be hundreds of uses for a 19th century NY street gang, but I think tailgating would be the best. Bring plenty of booze, though; those bastards can drink.

Take that ya Trojan mongrel!