"Hi, I'm Sparty..."

(door opens) Hi there, neighbor, the name's Sparty. Yeah, I know; kind of an unusual name. Uh, Greek, actually. Oh, are you familiar with Greece? In that case, I guess I should say I'm Laconian. Indeed, it is a beautiful area. Many's a day I sat under those very olive trees with a nice glass of mavrodafni, contemplating the delicate balance between joy and pain, life and death...
Anywho, as I was starting to say, I just moved into the neighborhood and...what's that? Really? Oh, I love block parties! Yes, of course I'll be there. I'll bring my famous spanakopita, it's TO. DIE. FOR.
Yes, yes, the clipboard. Well, the thing is, due to some recent contretemps, I'm afraid I have to introduce myself to my neighbors by requesting their John Hancock on this form. Uh, well, it basically says that, "technically", I'm not allowed within 1,000 feet of schools, parks, toy stores, carnivals, beaches, ice cream parlors, or dog groomers...it's complicated. (awkward pause)
Soooo, if you wouldn't mind signing right by the 'X', that'd be super duper....
Oh, I see, yes...yes, of course. I certainly will get off your "Goddamned lawn this fucking minute." It was nice meeting you and, just remember, I'm over at 362 if you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar... (door slams shut)

"I can explain..."